"Sometimes you must do what you HAVE to do in order to do the things you WANT to do"
About 7 years ago I met a woman that would change my life and how I looked at things. You see, she was my then-boyfriend's mom, Miss Lee. My "mother in law" for all intents and purposes at the time. She was a good ol' southern African-American woman from Alabama. Near Birmingham. A woman who had seen some things and been through some things, but never let anything bring her down. She had a light about her, an aura, that she radiated in every room and situation she was in. A woman of faith. A woman of hope. And a woman of logic.
One of my favorite past-times with Miss Lee was our lunches together after I got out of class. I had just gone back to college and was taking classes at the campus near her home. I decided to spend some time and get to know them better by going over there for lunches on my class days. Sometimes she would make food and sometimes Mr. Willie had me run and pick up Sonny's. (Either way... delicious!) During these lunches is when I would learn the true meaning of patience, understanding, forgiveness and reality.
Miss Lee would tell me stories of her growing up near Birmingham, Alabama during the times of deep rooted segregation and racism, marrying young, traveling the world with her military husband, having 3 kids and moving around the world, her love for Japan and the giant "whoops" in her 40's that become her 4th and final child (She thought she was dying. Lol). She had sooooo many stories and lessons. Everything she said was so fascinating! But there were days when she would just listen to me and my struggles; the hardships of balancing being a single mom, working and going to school full-time. She truly did just sit there and listen. She let me vent. I have had very few people allow me to do that throughout my life. It was such a wonderful feeling. But when I was done, she would offer her worldly advice. She'd tell me to buck up and not let things get me down. She didn't bother with any fluff. You know what I mean? She never really praised often or gave me an abundance of encouraging words. But the one thing she taught me that will forever stay in my heart is this: "Sometimes you gotta do what you HAVE to do in order to the things you WANT to do!"
And it stays in my heart because she was absolutely right. Even as a parent, I would find myself telling my own kids we couldn't do something they wanted to do because there were other things we had to do first. But it never really resonated on the level it did until that day that she said it to me. I don't know if it was because of the context of the conversation or it was just the right moment that I needed to hear that, but it opened my eyes in such a crazy way. She changed how I looked at life. She changed how I looked at my choices. She changed me. With those simple words.
I might not have wanted to balance work and school and kids, but I had to in order to get a better paying job, so I could afford to take my kids to places and to do things they wanted to do like vacations or Disney or going out to eat or to the movies. It's called priorities. (I know we've all heard of them.) And when you prioritize your life in such a way, it is filled with an abundance of those wants AND needs.
Unfortunately, we lost Miss Lee a couple years ago after a vicious battle with cancer and other health conditions. Oh, was she a fighter!!! She is honestly the strongest woman I have ever known. It was a truly heavy loss for everyone that knew her. I miss her wisdom, her laugh and her snarky side-eye when someone said or did something stupid. And above all things, I wish she could've seen me graduate. She was one of my biggest supporters (even without saying much). But her memory will forever live on in those simple words that have continued to push me every day to keep grinding and not let anything stop me from reaching my goals and doing what I want.
-Tiffany Dawn
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