Thank you, Next.
What does a 36 year old woman with 2 near grown kids have to offer to the dating pool? I clearly have to work on my self confidence... but it's a question that runs through my head on a regular basis. But to my surprise- I get quite a bit of suitors coming to call. Are any of them worthy? Obviously not.
Why is dating in your 30's such a constant struggle? You can meet someone and not click at all but they still want something physical. Or you can go out with someone and click really well and they don't want any commitment right now. Like, what the fuck? Then what the hell are you here for? I just don't understand. I feel like this whole generation is damaged. Scarred. Something is wrong with us. We've all been emotionally wounded too much and not taught how to heal those wounds before trying to move on in our lives.
I got married at 23 and divorced at 27. Marriage was clearly not in the cards for me. Since then, I have had 3 relatively "long" relationships. Two that both lasted roughly a year to a year and a half, and one that last 5 and a half years. So, I've been in committed relationships the majority of my adult life. I don't really know how to "date" at my age. Most guys just want to hook up or a friend with benefits. It honestly kind of baffles me. They want the cake and to eat it too without earning it but they want to turn around and be like "can't make a hoe into a housewife". Is anyone else as lost as I am??
It's even crazier on these dating apps now. What happened to meeting people through friends or approaching someone while you are out and about? I'm worth more than your vending machine style, window shopping version of dating. I've gone on quite a few dates with some of these cheetos in the vending machine, and just like you'd expect: They aren't worth it. Especially if they get stuck and you have to shake the machine to get the bag to fall down. Because even with all that extra effort you still end up with a tiny .75 cents bag that is halfway filled with air and the 9 chips actually inside are pretty stale tasting. Yall know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm worth more than being passed up by the window shopper because you can't really see me since I'm in the middle of the store with the rest of the good looking, priced right items- not the overly priced, front window mannequin that there's only one of in the entire store. Guys- shop around. Don't be afraid to go into the store. But only make that effort if you really want to commit to something. "No substitutions, exchanges or refunds." That should be the motto. But instead, we are all out here exchanging and returning without a receipt and still getting our money back! It's a struggle. Back in my teen years, dating was based on one thing. Attraction. Whether it was to their looks or personality or both. In your 30's, it's about attraction, past relationships, where you are in your career, how damaged you are by your previous relationships, where you stand on wanting kids and so on and so on. There's a million other factors that we didn't have to consider when we were younger.
Sorry to break it to you fellas, but I'm no longer a snack. I'm a happy meal. I come with kids and toys and possibly a trip to the playground. But that does not lessen my worth. The biggest struggle at this age is not recognizing your own worth. You let these people, men or women, decide if you're worth more than a one night stand, even if that decision of theirs had nothing to actually do with you. That causes a great deal of harm to the psyche. But fuck it! I'm worth more. Way more! I'm worth dinner. I'm worth a walk around the lake. I'm worth late night phone conversations for hours. I'm worth good morning texts. I'm worth the time. I'm worth the effort. I'm worth the wait. I bring so much to the table it's ridiculous. And you know what?
So do you.
Thank you, Next.
- Tiffany Dawn
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